Thats the hashtag I (not so) cleverly assigned to my attempt to get down to the 132 weight class for this upcoming meet. As it says. I started this journey out at 145ish pounds. This is the heaviest weight I've ever hit, and I wasn't happy with myself there. I think, more than anything, I just wanted to get back down to a weight I felt comfortable with. Trying to drop back down to the 132 weight class seemed like a good reason and perfect timing to motivate me to lose some of what I'd gained towards the end of 2017.

Well, these days I'm sitting right at 137-138 lbs. On my good days that's 8 pounds down from 145! Eight may not sound like a big number here, but I'm really proud of that progress. And that's the kind of progress I want; to actually LOSE the weight. I don't want to glycogen deplete. I don't want to manipulate my water or sodium storage. I don't want to sweat off a pound or two. I want to actually lose weight until I am consistently weighing in at 132 lbs. I want to train, live, and compete all at the same weight. I want my body to grow accustom to its new weight and feel comfortable there. But I just don't have the time I need to make that happen right now... 

So let's talk about the logistical reason I've decided NOT TO BE IN THE 132 CLASS for my meet. 

I was doing well and dropping weight steadily up through the middle of February. This is the time when those 8 pounds (at my peak, a smidge more) came off. Then, honestly, I lost focus. I don't have a reason or an excuse for it. I just became more interested in living life than my weight class goal, and I stagnated right between 136-138. I've stayed stagnated since then, and now I'm at a point where my meet is one. week. away. (HOLY SHIT.) 

So about three days ago I made the decision to forgo the 132 goal.

Here's why: if I continue working towards it I will have a negative outcome whether I make it or not... 
--> Let's say I keep successfully cutting, which at this point would be using those rather strict measures I mentioned above [glycogen depletion, water cutting, sodium manipulation], and I DO make it to 132 or below. Well, then my performance on meet day will very likely suffer. I know myself, and I know my body, and for me to lose the remaining 5 pounds in the next week will result in a bad headspace and decreased strength. No bueno.
--> Okay, so now, let's say I keep trying to cut but DON'T make it to 132 or below. Well, then I'm very close, say 133-135 lbs, but close doesn't count. All this means is that I'm on the LOW LOW end of the 148 weight class. I'd likely be the lightest person in the class, and in this scenario, my headspace and performance still stuffer while gaining nothing. Again, no bueno.

But! Let's say I drop the goal. I let myself eat, live, and lift comfortably. I'll weigh in somewhere between 136-139 lbs. This is pretty middle-of-the-road between the two weight classes. It certainly doesn't put me at any advantages, but my headspace is clear and positive and my lifts aren't suffering. That, of all my options, sounds pretty good to me. :)

And, on a more personal side of things...

To be completely honest, I've been feeling GOOD lately. I like the way I'm looking. My lifts are feeling strong, and that's really boosting my confidence as the meet approaches. So if I'm looking good, feeling good, all-around no complaints, then WHY am I trying to lose weight still???? 

ONLY in the interest of competition. That's it.

And, it's pretty hard to take myself seriously when I try to restrict what I'm consuming when I feel so good about myself and my progress. Like, really? I can't have the donut? WHY, Katelyn? WHY NOT.

Now, I know this is definitely a personal lack of willpower. I won't even try to deny that. Additionally, the crummy situation I put myself in by losing focus half way through Feburary is completely my fault. I recognize this. But I've made the decision I think is best considering where I am currently. 

But this does not take 132 off the table forever.

If I compete again later in the year that gives me PLENTY of time to get down to 132, adjust to the new, lower weight, and build my lifts on that foundation. It would allow me to train, live, and compete all at the same weight, which is exactly what I want.

But one week just isn't enough time to do it the way I envisioned. So, 148 lb weight class it is! And I plan to dominate it regardless. :) 

As a very frustrating sidebar, after making the decision to forgo this goal for now I allowed myself Chick-Fil-A for lunch since I was in a time crunch AND the Round Rock Donuts I'd been CRAVINNGGGG for weeks. The following day I went out with my husband and had a few beers and queso for dinner, because, well, I could. 


And guess what.

I woke up lighter this morning than I've been THROUGHOUT THIS ENTIRE JOURNEY. 

What. The. Hell. 


So, as far as wtf my body is doing, I'll be honest: I don't know.
But I know that my lifts feel great! And my mentality is very positive right now. 
I've accepted the 148 class for this meet and my focus is on my performance now.