Why I Love Powerlifting; A Short Story And Recent Revelation Of Katelyn's
As I sit here writing this blog I'm jamming out to Celine Dion's That's The Way It Is. And I'm absolutely loving it. (This is relevant, I promise.) But, let's go back and start at the beginning of this somewhat silly story...
Yesterday was a bad day. We all have those right?
So, I'm at work (I'm a personal trainer), and I'm just killin' it with my clients. I'm feeling great, truly. The whole week had just been pretty awesome up to that point. I felt like I was on my A game, and I also felt like I was delivering some excellent programming and service to my clients. And then came the "intern hour" in which I was supposed to teach our new intern about primal patterns and basic programming, which is simple information that I feel I have a solid grasp on. However, what I don't have a solid grasp on is transferring that information from my brain, into words, and then into someone else's brain.
Long story short, my confidence was absolutely shot about 5 minutes into this "intern hour." I had gone from one extreme to another; feeling completely at ease and proud of myself during my client sessions that morning to debilitatingly embarrassed and unsure of myself as I'm trying to teach our intern about things that should be just rolling off my tongue.
As such, I ended that hour feeling pretty pathetic. I went on to force myself through that day's planned workout, and then Celine Dion's That's The Way It Is came up next on my iPod. Boom. I was immediately catapulted back to a positive extreme in which I was unphasably motivated for the rest of my workout. So, naturally, I wanted to hear that song as least 8 billion more times. I didn't want that amazingly motivated feeling to go away, and I was still a bit down on myself after the "intern hour." So, I as I was leaving the studio, I decided to blast That's The Way It Is in my car (which has an incredible sound system, by the way *drool*) and take a drive.
Then the moment happened. The moment where I suddenly, after 24 years, realized something pretty huge about myself.
I am confident in almost nothing that I do.
I pulled up to a red light with Celine Dion blaring, and there was a huge group of kids waiting to cross the street... and then they did cross the street... right in front of my car... while That's The Way It Is was playing as loud as my ears could handle... and they were laughing... and I wanted nothing more than to just crawl inside of myself and cry. (And roll up my windows!) How silly, right? I mean, how do I know they were laughing at me? Hell, how do I even know they could HEAR the song? Furthermore, why should I care what a group of random kids thinks?
But it didn't matter. That moment ruined me.
And it brought to mind so many other times when I've felt that exact same way; when I've gone rapidly from one extreme of total confidence and happiness to the other of complete and utter shame. In the blink of a freaking eye, and all because I perceive that I'm being judged for whatever it is that I'm doing.
I am not a confident person.
If anything I like/dislike or do is poorly received publicly, I am immediately less sure of myself. One minute I want nothing more than to drown everything out with Celine Dion's That's The Way It Is, and the next I can't stop thinking how CHEESY AND TOTALLY GIRLY THAT SONG IS HAHAHAHA LOOK AT HER WHAT A LOSER. And this is true for almost everything. Except for powerlifting.
When I get under a barbell I KNOW that I know what I'm doing. Nothing can phase that. I know my weaknesses, I know how to fix them, and more times than not, I'm actively working on fixing them. I know my form is solid. I know that I'm pretty strong. This confidence has been tested many times but has never faltered.
Powerlifting is the only thing in my life I can think of that breeds such confidence. I just feel like a goddamn badass with a barebell, and I love it. Anything that makes you feel THAT good about yourself, despite your weaknesses, despite all you have left to learn, is something that should be held onto ferociously.
This Prep's Progress
I've certainly been a bit absent with my updates. It's not necessarily because it's been going poorly, I just haven't been overly into it for some reason. But, with that being said, my bench press and deadlift both feel like they're progressing nicely. I've got ~2 weeks left to meet day, and today I benched 155 for doubles. My last deadlift session was 250 for doubles, and they felt surprisingly smooth. I do think my deadlift numbers should be higher, but it's my weakest lift, and having them FEEL good is a victory in itself.
This morning I weighed in at 132.3 lbs, so I'm essentially at competition weight. I want to lose another pound or two just to feel secure, and then all I have to do is maintain there. I will say, though, that I think cutting this weigh (even though it was only ~4-6 pounds) has been tough. Dieting is not my forte, and there was really no room for slipping up with my time frame for losing the weight. And, I realized (early on, thank god), that the 2150 calories I *thought* was a deficit was still quite a bit too high... so, I took my intake down to ~1850/day. SO LOW!
I've never ever ever ever ever intentionally eaten below 2000 cals, and especially not for an extended period of time. I can feel my energy and motivation for workouts dipping a bit, and I'm more fatigued than normal. The nervousness for the meet is what's keeping me going. But, I will say that my acne has cleared up nicely ever since cutting out the fast food I was eating. *thumbs up*
I've been pretty regularly taking BCAA's + glutamine after my workouts to hopefully help my muscles recover even on this deficit. I assume it's working, too, because I've continued to gain strength after dropping a few pounds. Despite lower energy I'm still killing my workouts, so that definitely says something for the BCAA's and the types of home-cooked foods I'm eating.
My macros are currently:
188 g carbs (40%)
141 g protein (30%)
63 g fat (30%)
I honestly think I was a bit lenient with those numbers. In a perfect world, protein would be a little higher and fat would be a little lower. But, I'm already not great with cutting weight and restricting my diet, so this will certainly do.
At this point, I'm starting to think about what I'd like to hit at the meet. 165 on bench and 300 on deadlift would be AMAZING. My third attempts will likely be 165 and 305. Openers are yet to be determined. My workouts continue to show strength improvements, so it's a bit early to decide.
Anywho -- overall, it's going well!